My Dad + Trump + Neo-Cons vs. KC + RBG

My dad usually makes fun of somebody for absolutely no reason.

Since my dad retired, he’s picked up on Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and the other Fox News dimwits.

On this particular night, my dad laughed about the earlier episode from this morning’s radio show. If you didn’t know, these conservative talk show hosts are actually creatures made up of piles of pork products that are rejected from the hot dog companies. So those rejected former pig lips and assholes get shaped into human form with Krazy Glue and santorum. (If you don’t know what santorum is, look it up.) 

Well, my dad starts going over the line with his sense of humor into just cruel — as usual. 

“Then Sean Hannity/Rush Limbaugh/Glenn Beck (I don’t know which doofus my dad actually listened to that particular morning — they all sound the same to me) said, ‘This Supreme Court Justice woman wants women in the military doing military jobs, but I bet Ruth Bader Ginswhatever has never done a single pull-up or a push-up in her entire life! Hah! Hilarious! Isn’t it?”

I’m sure my dad slapped his knee and if he were a generation younger he’d be expecting a high five from my mom. She looked at him disgusted. 

So my dad turned to me. Before he said anything, I chipped in, “Do you think Pretty Boy Trump has ever done a pull-up or push-up in his entire life? Do you think his fatass can now? Or could ever?”

Amazingly so, that shut my dad up. At least for a few minutes. 

Richard Pryor: A National Treasure

Being proven wrong is actually something I like. Sort of. Well, sometimes.

I love stand-up comedy, and I think doing it well is absolutely close to impossible. I think comedians shaped my life and way of thinking more than any other person out there.

I came across a Richard Pryor special a billion years ago when I was a teenager. This was “Richard Pryor: Live In Concert.”

Honestly, I didn’t have any high hopes for it. I didn’t know who he was. I thought stand-up comedy was great, but I only knew people like Gallagher, Bill Hicks, George Carlin and Denis Leary (ugh).

So, when this old Black dude walked out in some funny old-fashioned clothes, I didn’t expect him to be funny. It wasn’t a racist thing. This was probably the 1990s and the special was probably from the 1970s, so by my preteen/teen logic it would be impossible for somebody old to be funny.

On top of that, I just thought he looked strange and didn’t expect somebody wearing a purple (or red?) silk shirt, an afro, a mustache and bellbottoms to be funny.

Well, I was wrong. And I’ve been a fan ever since.

Richard Pryor: Live on Sunset Strip — Grade: B+

This is a great stand up by Richard Pryor and he’s just as relevant today as he was 35 years ago. This is actually kind of depressing because he talks about cops beating black people and drugs and all that.

Richard Pryor is a true champion at what he does though.

Crossing Me

First off, let me say that I’ve thought David Cross was hilarious before I even heard him speak.

Back in the 1990s there were these things made out of paper called “magazines.” I used to subscribe to SPIN Magazine and “Mr. Show” placed a full-page ad in there, or maybe a review. I remember seeing Bob Odenkirk and David Cross making goofy faces and I laughed out loud. I cut out the ad and hung it on my wall even though I’d never seen the show.

Then, years later I moved to New York City. I sat in my favorite bar and in walked…David Cross. Nobody seemed to know who he was and I told him how I sort of had a poster of him on my wall growing up. This was way before some of his other bigger things. He was so cool about it all.

Now, I’m sure people would say, “Oh, you’re the blue guy wannabe in ‘Arrested Development!’ You’re hilarious! Where’s your mustache?”

Just a few days after watching some of his stand-up comedy, I checked and saw that we weren’t Twitter buddies and wrote to him. And he wrote back! Maybe it was his assistant or maybe it was him, but I thought it was awesome and made my day. Then another person commented on my original Tweet and Cross (or his assistant/dog/friend) commented back and forth. How cool!

David Cross: Bigger and Blackerer — Grade: A+

Stand-up comedy is one of my favorite things in the world.

Comedy is the most difficult thing to do correctly and the easiest thing to do awfully. Nothing is worse than a bad comic or crappy comedy movie.

The other day I just let my YouTube play and David Cross came along and he read an open letter to Larry the Cable Guy. I decided to just watch the first David Cross special I could find and he was absolutely hilarious.

I certainly wouldn’t want my parents in the room, because they’d want him kicked out of the country.

David Cross: The Pride is Back — Grade: A+

Strangely enough, I kind of worked my way backwards from his newer stuff to his older stuff. It’s still funny. I even decided to pick up his book, but then decided to listen to it since I’m walking now that I can’t go to the gym. (I like to read while on the cardio machines in case you were wondering).

In all of his stand-up comedy and even his book, Cross is so creative and tricks people in this way or that. It’s hard to explain. He’s really great at it.

Cross is truly a celebrity I’d like to hang out with more than most, but would have no idea what to talk about because I’d be really nervous around him. I guess I was nervous around him the first time, but he hadn’t really hit the world stage. Maybe we’d talk about “Rick and Morty” and Sigerien scammers…

Bellflower: Review

Bellflower — Movie: Grade: B-/Preview: Grade: A+

This is such a strange movie for me. The preview for this film shocks the absolute crap out of me, but the movie isn’t really like the preview at all. I expected something completely different.

Needless to say, the preview and the movie aren’t the same. I think the preview looks absolutely amazing, but the movie isn’t quite like that. It would be like you snipped out parts of “Forrest Gump” to make it seem like it’s a football movie. There’s a lot more going on in there than just that.

But besides the cool car and the flamethrower, there isn’t really that much excitement going on in “Bellflower.” I like all the characters and see myself in all of the major ones, but when I watch a movie about the apocalypse or post-apocalypse, I don’t want to learn about relationships.

I enjoyed parts of it and liked the independent feel, but I wanted more post-apocalypic stuff. I’m definitely interested in what else the director/writer will put out there.

Horror Comedy Done Wrong: Red State

Red State — Grade: F-

Kevin Smith, you’ve done it again. You’ve made an even worse movie than the last movie of yours I’ve seen.

“Red State” is officially the last Kevin Smith film I’ll watch. The last thing I saw was “Zach and Miri Make a Porno” and he managed to make Seth Rogen unfunny.

But “Red State” outdoes anything he’s ever done. The entire storyline was such a mish-mash of nonsense, that if a good friend hadn’t told me to watch it and if it wasn’t so late that at night I would have probably would have just turned it off.

First, you can’t tell if this is a horror, comedy, horror-comedy, thriller or preach piece. Unfortunately, I think it’s all of those stuffed into a 90-minute crapfest.

Next, because you can’t tell what type of movie it is, it’s hard to tell who the main characters are. After that, you don’t really care who the characters are because they are so basic, annoying and stupid. This is unfortunate because he’s managed to grab some actual good acting talent, but wasted it.

Then, what happened to Smith’s ability to write dialogue? I heard one funny line in this, other than that this was just a gigantic waste of time.

Do anything but watch this. I’d rather go to church.

Another Horror-Comedy Done Right

Tremors — Grade: A-

Originally, I saw this when it came on video or maybe I taped it off of TV, so I don’t think I ever saw the full thing until just now.

So recently a friend and I thought about what should we watch and this came up on his list. “Tremors” demolishes the big screen! We truly enjoyed this a ton.

Is the movie smart? No.

Are the characters intelligent? Um, not really. However, the characters are great! They’re fun! They’re different!

But, the movie is a blast!

We laughed and laughed at “Tremors.” I can’t say that I’ll sit down for the other films, but I enjoyed this.

I had just as much fun with this at 40 as I did at 14.

Horror-Comedy Done Right: Watch Out for Spider-Monsters

This Book is Full of Spiders: Seriously Dude, Don’t Open by David Wong — Grade: A+

I’m a huge fan of the first book and the movie, “John Dies at the End.”

The second book in this series is actually better. I listened to “This Book is Full of Spiders” during walks through the park and Korean people would stare at me as I laughed or snorted.

The voices, dialogue and everything are hilarious. Wong is everything I want to be in terms of writing. 

I can’t wait to listen to the third book!