Day 7: Journaling

I’m writing to get my day started. I’ve got great prompts from this site.

Today’s question is…

“What do you care most about? As in, what do you give yourself to most freely? How could you care for it a little more perfectly? How does caring for this thing outside yourself actually help you trust yourself more?”

Honestly, without kids, a girlfriend, a wife, a house or any of that good stuff, I care the most about my career. Not the stupid bullshit job where I copy edit insurance training manuals, but my writing career.

I would like to care for it more by doing it more and actually finishing these effing books, sending these beautiful manuscripts to publishers, getting them published and have people enjoy reading them (or hating them).

Writing is why I got up and left the Dakotas. Writing is why I don’t do much of much during the week and sometimes the weekend. When I almost died I didn’t think, “I wish I would have worked harder at my job as a real estate magazine,” “I should have married that one girl” or “I bet life would have been more complete if I took more photos of the food I eat.” Nope. I thought, “Fuck. I really should have finished writing those fucking books I said I’d finish.”

How can I write more to trust myself more? Well, I can always “not write.” Watching TV, sleeping, getting high and jerking off are really easy. Writing can be too, but it takes a lot of work.

The thing is, nobody gives a shit if I watched that movie last night. Maybe they won’t give a shit that I published a book, but maybe they will. That keeps me being self reliant and pounding the keys.


Day 6: Journaling

I’m writing to get my day started. I’ve got great prompts from this site.

Today’s question is…

Write about a time you listened to that inner voice, then a time you ignored it. How did each turn out? How did the conversations with your inner voice differ? How can you become better attuned to those subtle nudgings?

Right now I’m going to just listen to my inner voice and write about the first inner voice thing that came to mind.

I watched some buddies’ band play at a show in Seoul. I saw a girl there that I thought was pretty. I was too chicken to ask her out, but decided this would be another time that I’d be ticked off at myself if I didn’t just grow the guts and ask her out.

I put it off. Just one more song. I put it off some more. Just one more drink. I still put it off. Maybe that guy she’s with is her boyfriend.

Bar’s shutting down. Are you going to wuss out or not?

So I walked up and said something supercheesy like, “I just got to go up and ask for your phone number because I absolutely have to know if you’re single. I’ve been wussing out for the past hour or so trying to think of something cool to say.”

It worked out. It turned out the guy she was with was her gay best friend. We had a nice little fling for a while, and then she moved back to Ireland. Shucks.

A time I didn’t listen? Probably every time I didn’t ask a girl out. Usually part of my inner voice tells me not to ask a girl out.

OK. A great example is eating. I say, “Nope. That’s it.” Then my inner voice says, “C’mon. Just one more.” Then we have a fight. Next thing I know I’ve eaten an entire box of cereal or a bag of jellybeans or something gross. The next day I feel like I developed diabetes. Hooray.

How can I better attune myself to these nudgings? I think I’ve got to listen to the good ones and ignore the bad ones. How does one know the difference? Just think, “What will I think about this tomorrow?” That usually works.

Job Schmob

I sent out another 14 job applications today. I’m thinking cross-eyed right now. I don’t know my references’ addresses. I barely know my own. And I have absolutely no idea if they’ll even answer emails from unknown addresses.

My current supervisor probably doesn’t know my last name, let alone anything I’ve ever done for the company. My past supervisors are in Korea and know that I worked my tail off over there. I can’t really use them because they all have Korean cell phones and a lot of these job applications only take American phone numbers.

These job applications take a lot of time, which is fine. You’ve got to weed people out. But a lot of this is very tedious. They ask for a resume and then re-ask you to fill out everything in their little boxes.

Writing cover letters has always sucked, but now I do so many I screw them up. That’s nobody’s fault but my own, but still it sucks.

I’ve applied to places all over the country from Idaho to Palm Springs to Miami (the Ohio one) and New York (again). I’ve applied for gigs from editing to teaching to PR. I’m hoping something comes out of this soon so I can get the eff out of Chicago. I tried applying to a professor gig there, but they wouldn’t let me log into their site with an old password or something.

I truly believe I’m a good employee. Hopefully one of these companies sees it soon.



Not Writing Any More Today

I just wrote a post and WordPress deleted it. I’ve also filled in 15 job applications, so the love of writing isn’t in me today.



Day 5: Journaling

I’m writing to get my day started. I’ve got great prompts from this site.

Today’s question is…

“Where are you competing in your life that you don’t actually want to be (e.g., money, audience, position, possessions, looks, awards, travel, experiences etc.)? If you weren’t worried about winning that, what would you focus on?”

One thing I really don’t have in my life is money, audience, position, possessions, awards, etc. OK, that’s more than one thing.

As for money and position in my career, I’ve had some career struggles, whether I was laid off, doing something completely different (like teaching in Korea), being unemployed and now being underemployed.

Since I don’t have the great job, I don’t have the great house, car, leather bound books and all of that.

But I don’t really care about that — more or less. I’d like to have money and a great career, but I don’t really want to do a lot of what my friends and colleagues have done. It’s not that I don’t like working, but I don’t like working jobs I don’t like. I didn’t think I’d like teaching, but I did. I thought I’d love working in a magazine, I didn’t.

However, I’d love a bigger audience for my writing. I wish more people read my stuff. If that could grant me an award, that would be great.

Who’s going to do that for me? Nobody. That’s why I’m doing my best to get as much writing done as possible.

When I wrote for PIC I did a lot of experimental writing. I had no idea what would be popular. The “My Organs and I…” series was just something I wrote after a bland date. I had no idea that it would take off.

Now, I’m focusing on writing all different types of stuff. I’m almost hopefully nearly finished with a third draft of a novel that I think is truly great enough to publish. (God I hope so.)

Can I compete with other people with this novel? I don’t really know. I haven’t seen anything like this, so I thought it would be a cool thing to do, write and read.

I’ve done my best to move all of my competitive edge from career stuff and money to finishing a project I truly believe in.

Alrighty right, I think that’s enough for the day.


Day 4: Journaling

I’m on Day 3 of this 31 Days of Journaling from

“What pieces of your old identity do you hold onto that are no longer serving you or you no longer believe in wholeheartedly? Are they worth letting go of?”

I used to have to be the most extreme person, especially when I came to partying. Instead of drinking regular beer, I needed Icehouse that had .4 percent more alcohol. Instead of rum, I needed Bacardi 151. I think I’ve more or less let that go, which feels nice. I want to be a more “normal” drinker, but I’m sure my younger self would call me a more “boring” drinker.

As for other pieces of my old identity, I think the idea that I’m also usually the smartest person in the room, which has repeatedly been proven untrue. Haha. Although, I always appreciate somebody shows me WHY I’m wrong.

Or, just not believing in myself. I wish I could let that part go, but it’s difficult.


Day 3: Journaling

I’m on Day 3 of this 31 Days of Journaling from

It’s been a lot of fun.

Today’s prompt is…

“What areas of your life have you shut off to whims? Are there any you’ve written off? How might you try following them responsibly? (Is it writing an outline for a ridiculous-sounding blog post? Picking up that book that feels “unproductive”? Joining the boxing gym you pass daily? Asking that girl out you’ve had your eye on? Booking the trip you’ve been thinking about?)”

I am trying to limit my life decisions based off of whims. Whether it is career, romance or just what I feel like I want to do in that instance. I am trying to do more research and homework.

I try to do things I’m not necessarily sure about but feel like I need to do such as watching a movie “everybody is talking about” or going to that famous restaurant.

When I applied to SDSU, NYU and CU, those were almost totally on whims. “SDSU has a swim team. Sign me up.” “NYU has a swim team and is in NYC where I can possibly work for Marvel. Yep, feed me a loan that will keep me in debt longer than a Ferrari.” “CU has a journalism school. I like writing. Sure, whatever.”

However, all those turned out to be good decisions in the long run. So maybe I should just jump into a situation on a whim again.


Day 2: Journaling Thing

I decided to do journal entries based on The Art of Manliness website —

Day 2

Where do you find the most meaning in life and feel the most fully alive? Is there something you’d love to do but don’t because the world thinks it’s silly or worthless or wrong? Is there anything you do that you consider virtuous yet the world looks down on? How do you handle the tension?

Where do you find the most meaning in life and feel the most fully alive?

As for me, the best answer I can give is that meaning in my life come from writing and making people laugh and/or happy.

When I started writing for
I read and worshiped everybody on the site. I spent hours writing all types of things. I wanted everything to be perfect. Yes, I wanted people to like me and think I was funny, but I also knew that some of the very little joy I received in my life at that time came from reading PIC articles.

When I put two and two together and figured out that I might be able to make somebody’s shitty day better by just a teeny tiny bit, that made me feel accomplished and alive. I don’t write for PIC any more, but I’m happy that I did. Now that I write my own novels (which I swear I’ll get published one way or another) I hope those will improve people’s lives somehow.

Is there something you’d love to do but don’t because the world thinks it’s silly or worthless or wrong?

I’m pretty happy with what I do. Some people say women put on makeup not to look attractive to men but for themselves. I exercise whenever I can not for anybody else, but for myself. I know I’ll never be Mr. Universe, but I don’t see why I shouldn’t lift weights, run, bike or swim. Same thing with reading. I read because I like to, not because I’m trying to be smarter than anybody else.

“Is there anything you do that you consider virtuous yet the world looks down on? How do you handle the tension?”

I don’t know. I think there are some religious positions that some people automatically think makes you a terrible person. I don’t agree with that. I think there are some jobs like being a farmer, plumber or carpenter that some people think are low class, but I think they’re more important gigs than anything I’ve ever done. Can somebody live without a book of fart, beer and dick jokes? Yes. Can people live without flushing toilets? No.

Alright, I think that one’s done for the day!


31 Journaling Prompts for Building Greater Self-Reliance

I came across this and decided since I’m writing a blog again, I’ll get on this.

This is where these prompts are coming from:

Day 1

“The primary cause of disorder in ourselves is the seeking of reality promised by another.” ―Jiddu Krishnamurti

What is something you have or are pursuing, that other people say is worthwhile, but you haven’t found valuable? Do you continue to pursue it based on the promises of others?

Geez, this is a tough one. I guess the thing I’m sort of pursuing that other people say is worthwhile is home ownership. I’ve more or less given up on it.

I don’t want to use the word “transient,” because I like the word “nomadic” better. In the past ten years I’ve moved from NYC to Boulder to Denver to Seoul to tiny tiny city in Colorado called Elizabeth to Chicago and am now looking for another spot. I don’t know where I’ll move next. I don’t even know which country. My options are open.

A lot of my friends and coworkers and such own homes. I just don’t see the point at this part of my life. Obviously there are benefits, but I haven’t lived in the same city long enough to justify it.


Geez, How’ve You Been, Stranger?

Geez, one day turns into two then a week then a month and then six and then HOLY SHIT HOW DID I QUIT DOING THIS BLOG??

Profile Pic?

Well, there’s been a lot going on. I managed to get a few jobs at a few different bars. I managed to quit all of them because they just didn’t do much for me. I was trying to make friends, connections and money, but managed not to accomplish any of those things.

I did land another job working in an office in a suburb of Chicago. I’m a content writer for a pretty big company.

The easy answer to “What do you do?” is: “I write training manuals, syllabi and worksheets for big companies.”

The true story is that I do a lot of copy editing, cutting and pasting. I know that can be a pretty tall order since I’m certainyl knot perfeck w/ ma grammer and spellin.

I write a weekly column at It’s one of the things that keeps my name in the papers (and interwebs) and I enjoy writing a blog from time to time — it just doesn’t show on this site.

I’m still writing my books for me. I’m just about finished with the (hopefully) final draft of my best project to date. I’m hoping to send it to publishers a few days after I receive some edits and such from friends.

My health has been blah. I had a pretty big seizure at one of the bars where I work while I was working. I ended up in the hospital with some stitches and slightly chipped teeth. I also ended up with some very hefty medical bills since I didn’t have health insurance. I’m hoping all of that clears up soon. That’s a blog for another time.

OK, I’ll try to get moving with actually being on this website. If you have any questions, comments, concerns or requests, please email me at